Dialogue and Paragraphs

Do you ever have trouble figuring out who said what? I do, and it stops me. I have to go back and figure out the speaker. One of the reasons for the confusion is the way paragraphs are laid out. If one person's actions are lumped in a paragraph with dialogue, it looks as if they go together.

Each time the speaker changes, begin a new paragraph. If the dialogue doesn’t make it clear who’s speaking, use an attribution or action. The reader gets a picture of the scene and knows who’s talking. The action can also reveal the speaker’s mood. Was he excited, striding back and forth? Was he thoughtful, scratching his chin? There are many ways to show it; just make sure each paragraph clearly belongs to someone.

The following examples show why each person has his or her own paragraph with the dialogue in it. 

Read the next paragraph and see who said “I’ve never seen it before”? 

Mark cut the tape and opened the box. “What’s this?” he said, lifting a wooden case out of the foam packing. “I’ve never seen it before.” Karen took the case from him.

From the way the paragraph is put together, it could be either Mark or Karen.

To make it clear, separate Mark’s actions and Karen’s with different paragraphs and put the dialogue with the person who’s saying it.

Mark cut the tape and opened the box. “What’s this?” he said, lifting a wooden case out of the foam packing. “I’ve never seen it before.”

Karen took the case from him.

This way, the reader knows it was Mark who said he’d never seen it before.

Mark cut the tape and opened the box. “What’s this?” he said, lifting a wooden case out of the foam packing.

“I’ve never seen it before.” Karen took the case from him.

This way it’s obviously Karen’s remark.

How about you? Any examples? 

Dialogue or Lecture?

Sometimes when a writer wants to give the reader a great deal of information, he/she dumps it all into one long paragraph. Just the sight of the long, solid paragraph is discouraging to readers. Break it up. Use actions on the part of the speaker. Let the other person interrupt with comments or questions. White space is good; it gives the reader the sensation of moving forward at a fast pace.

Meals or a task make good settings for these expository lectures. The dictionary defines exposition as “a statement or rhetorical discourse intended to give information about or an explanation of difficult material.” The reader may need to know it, but he doesn’t need to know it all in one speech.

The following excerpt from Haunting Refrain is an example. The doctor could have given all the information about the patient at once, but breaking it up adds to the reader’s picture and is more interesting.

Kate, breathless, ran in just as the doctor came out to explain Venice's injury and talk with them.

 “She's resting comfortably. She has a concussion, and she’s lost a lot of blood, but the injury isn’t as bad as we first thought. She had her hair pinned up under the wig, and that, with the wig, protected her skull somewhat. It cushioned the blow.” The doctor tapped the back of his head, indicating the location of the injury. “It didn't do nearly as much damage as it might have.”

 “Does that mean she’ll be all right?” Relief brought tears to Kate’s eyes.

 “If we can keep her from getting pneumonia, I think she’ll be back on her feet in a few days. She's conscious, but groggy. She doesn't remember what happened, and I don't want her upset. You can see her, one at a time, for a few minutes, but no questions.”

If I were writing this today, I'd probably break it up more. What do you think? How do you feel about getting information in long paragraphs? Would you prefer to get it over with in a lump or draw it out with a little action or dialogue? Any examples you'd like to share? You can copy them into the comments. 

By the way, a little BSP: Haunting Refrain will be a free Kindle download March 30 and 31 and April 1.