Sometimes when a writer wants to give the reader a great deal of information, he/she dumps it all into one long paragraph. Just the sight of the long, solid paragraph is discouraging to readers. Break it up. Use actions on the part of the speaker. Let the other person interrupt with comments or questions. White space is good; it gives the reader the sensation of moving forward at a fast pace.
Meals or a task make good settings for these expository lectures. The dictionary defines exposition as “a statement or rhetorical discourse intended to give information about or an explanation of difficult material.” The reader may need to know it, but he doesn’t need to know it all in one speech.
The following excerpt from Haunting Refrain is an example. The doctor could have given all the information about the patient at once, but breaking it up adds to the reader’s picture and is more interesting.
Kate, breathless, ran in just as the doctor came out to explain Venice
“She's resting comfortably. She has a concussion, and she’s lost a lot of blood, but the injury isn’t as bad as we first thought. She had her hair pinned up under the wig, and that, with the wig, protected her skull somewhat. It cushioned the blow.” The doctor tapped the back of his head, indicating the location of the injury. “It didn't do nearly as much damage as it might have.”
“Does that mean she’ll be all right?” Relief brought tears to Kate’s eyes.
“If we can keep her from getting pneumonia, I think she’ll be back on her feet in a few days. She's conscious, but groggy. She doesn't remember what happened, and I don't want her upset. You can see her, one at a time, for a few minutes, but no questions.”
If I were writing this today, I'd probably break it up more. What do you think? How do you feel about getting information in long paragraphs? Would you prefer to get it over with in a lump or draw it out with a little action or dialogue? Any examples you'd like to share? You can copy them into the comments.
By the way, a little BSP: Haunting Refrain will be a free Kindle download March 30 and 31 and April 1.
