Use dialogue to give the reader needed information, but avoid talking
in a vacuum—talking heads. Talking heads are created when characters exchange
information but do nothing. They might as well be reading the news.
One way to create interest is to have the dialogue take place during
some activity, such as over a meal or pursuing some activity that might later
come into play in the story. The activity helps create a picture for the reader
to see and shows something about the characters. Does the character fancy herself
a gourmet cook? Is he a sports addict? Use gestures and actions to show mood
and emotion. Is the character trying to hide something? Perhaps he’s toying
with his food or gulping it down.
Almost any conversation can be made more interesting by creating pictures for the reader.
Almost any conversation can be made more interesting by creating pictures for the reader.
Here’s an excerpt from Time of Death
(shameless promotion for my new book) with everything but the dialogue removed.
See what kind of picture you get.
“Want me to go in, Mr. R.?”
“No, I do not. Just sit here and
watch for anything that goes by in either direction.”
“But she can’t be going to Chicora.”
“I want you to check for
official-looking vehicles—you know, cops, ambulances, the rescue squad?”
“Oh. Yeah. Right.”
Do you have an idea of the characters’ mood? What they were aiming at? Did you see the conversation or feel as if you
were present?
See if this is any better. It’s the real
excerpt.
Jelly pulled into the Sugar Shack
parking lot. “Want me to go in, Mr. R.?”
“No, I do not.” No one would tell
Jelly a woman’s whereabouts without calling the police as soon as the hulk
left. “Just sit here and watch for anything that goes by in either direction.”
“But she can’t be going to Chicora.”
“Jelly,” he said with exaggerated
patience, “I want you to check for official-looking vehicles—you know, cops,
ambulances, the rescue squad?” Jelly Belly turned into Jelly Brains long before
the man left the boxing ring.
“Oh. Yeah. Right.” Jelly settled his
large frame behind the steering wheel and stared at the road.
What do you think? Does one show
more than the other? What’s your style? How do you feel about bare dialogue? Does
it ever work? When?
6 comments:
If the setting has been established and the reader already knows the speakers' relationship and state of mind, then bare dialogue can be a way of setting a rapid pace. Butfor the most part, you need something more.
LD, I agree as long as everything is clear and it doesn't go on too long. To me, that works best in an argument or conversation where there's no doubt who's saying what. The late Robert B Parker could do it, but not many handle it so well. I hate counting lines of dialogue to figure out who's speaking.
Your 2nd excerpt gave vividness and context to the dialogue.
Sometimes, rapid fire dialogue is needed (is that what LD was talking about?) and that kind of exchange also sets a mood, a tension.
Varied dialogue techniques are so important and so often not used.
Nice chat question. I'd like to hear from more people.
~LA
Ohhh, I meant to ask, where is the picture from?
~LA
Leslie, the picture is from 123rf.com, a good source for website photos. The small ones are usually $1 with a package of credits. I changed the color on this because the Sugar Shack is pink. :-)
Image credit: borealis / 123RF Stock Photo
Your examples are perfect, Ellis. Arguments or scenes where you want to create tension work well with rapid-fire dialogue. I have one scene in my soon-to-be released novel (you're not the only one BSPing, Ellis ;-)) where one person is left out of the conversation while two others have a very tense exchange. There is very little external action, but I think it works. Like everything in writing, there are times when talking heads put a reader to sleep because there is no visual. Other times, however, when the situation is right, bare dialogue is just the thing.
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