Those Talking Heads

Use dialogue to give the reader needed information, but avoid talking in a vacuum—talking heads. Talking heads are created when characters exchange information but do nothing. They might as well be reading the news.

One way to create interest is to have the dialogue take place during some activity, such as over a meal or pursuing some activity that might later come into play in the story. The activity helps create a picture for the reader to see and shows something about the characters. Does the character fancy herself a gourmet cook? Is he a sports addict? Use gestures and actions to show mood and emotion. Is the character trying to hide something? Perhaps he’s toying with his food or gulping it down.
Almost any conversation can be made more interesting by creating pictures for the reader. 

Here’s an excerpt from Time of Death (shameless promotion for my new book) with everything but the dialogue removed. See what kind of picture you get.

“Want me to go in, Mr. R.?”

“No, I do not. Just sit here and watch for anything that goes by in either direction.”

“But she can’t be going to Chicora.”

“I want you to check for official-looking vehicles—you know, cops, ambulances, the rescue squad?”

“Oh. Yeah. Right.”

Do you have an idea of the characters’ mood? What they were aiming at? Did you see the conversation or feel as if you were present?

See if this is any better. It’s the real excerpt.

Jelly pulled into the Sugar Shack parking lot. “Want me to go in, Mr. R.?”

“No, I do not.” No one would tell Jelly a woman’s whereabouts without calling the police as soon as the hulk left. “Just sit here and watch for anything that goes by in either direction.”

“But she can’t be going to Chicora.”

“Jelly,” he said with exaggerated patience, “I want you to check for official-looking vehicles—you know, cops, ambulances, the rescue squad?” Jelly Belly turned into Jelly Brains long before the man left the boxing ring.

“Oh. Yeah. Right.” Jelly settled his large frame behind the steering wheel and stared at the road.

What do you think? Does one show more than the other? What’s your style? How do you feel about bare dialogue? Does it ever work? When?