Through the character's eyes

Unless you use your author voice as a narrator in your story, general wisdom says the narrative should be written in the voice and through the eyes of the viewpoint character. The reasoning behind this is first to avoid confusion for the reader. The character doing the thinking should always be clear. Second, using a single POV per scene should make the reader’s experience stronger and help generate stronger feelings for the character. 

Point of view gives us insight into the character. Narrative should show us the world through the character’s eyes and experience. Avoid showing things that character wouldn’t know or notice. A child wouldn’t walk into a living room and describe the red silk upholstery on the Louis XIV settee. A man who’s lived his life at sea is unlikely to rattle off the names of the plants in someone’s garden, and if he does, the reader needs an explanation: Sam, still getting used to being on land again, paused to study the lush garden. He recognized azaleas and bluebells, favorites in his mother’s yard, but most were nameless. Colors rose and fell, red to pink to white and back again, much as the swells of the sea. Okay, not great writing, but it shows how Sam sees the garden and how it relates to his experience.

But if I wanted to show Sam being familiar with the plants and landscape features, I’d give him some background to explain it. Maybe he kept a worn book on gardening in his cabin on the ship and dreamed of solid ground and an English cottage garden. Or his mother owned a nursery and he remembered helping her plant similar flowers.

There are many ways to do it; just keep in mind who the beholder is and how the scene will look through the character’s eyes. What will be important or stand out? Tie the scene to the character.

Can you think of any examples where the narrative didn’t fit the character describing it? Do you do it? I have to go back and check, and often I have to make changes. I find I was the beholder, not the character.

As Nathaniel Hawthorne said, “Easy reading is damn hard writing.”

Eye of the Beholder

WINNERS! If these lovely people would contact me at ellis at ellisvidler dot com, Polly and Rebecca will get back to you about the books: Laura Thomas, Linda Lovely, Darla, Malena, Eclairre.

Narrative, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Unless you use your author voice as a narrator in your story, the narrative should be written in the voice and through the eyes of the viewpoint character.

If Tom is a mariner who’s lived most of his life at sea, he’s unlikely to visit a small town in Kentucky and identify the plants in Sally’s garden.

He pushed open the low wooden gate, wincing as the hinges screeched. Not much on maintenance, was she? Before him stretched a winding stone path, bordered by liriope. Hostas, their lavender flowers dancing in the breeze, filled the shady corner below the trees. A wide trellis laced with purple clematis sheltered a pair of Adirondack chairs and a small table. He imagined spending an afternoon there, with a book and a pitcher of tea.

What do you think? Sound like Tom? After maintenance on the gate, it lost me. Maybe I’d give him the stone path, but the rest takes me right out of Tom’s head. Let me try again, through Tom’s eyes.

He pushed open the low wooden gate, wincing as the hinges screeched. Not much on maintenance, was she? He shortened his steps to match stones in the path. All the green gave the garden a restful feeling, and a couple of comfortable chairs made a nice place to read. Pretty, with the flowers. But he’d miss the water. If it were his, he’d add a fountain or something so he could hear water.

I’m more comfortable with the second one. I can believe that’s how Tom saw the garden. But if I wanted to show Tom being familiar with the plants and landscape features, I’d give him some background to explain it. Maybe he kept a worn book on gardening in his cabin on the ship and dreamed of solid ground and an English cottage garden. Or his mother was a gardener and he remembered helping her plant similar flowers.

There are many ways to do it; just keep in mind who the beholder is and how the scene will look to him. What will be important or stand out? Tie the scene to the character.

Can you think of any examples where the narrative didn’t fit the character describing it? Do you do it? I have to go back and check, and often I have to make changes. I find I was the beholder, not the character.

As Nathaniel Hawthorne said, “Easy reading is damn hard writing.” 

Does Head Hopping Make You Crazy?

Photo by DnDavis

Head hopping is when the reader is privy to two (or, heaven forbid, more) characters’ thoughts and feelings in a single scene. That’s not to say it can’t be done successfully. Many popular authors, especially those who began writing some years ago, are known for it. Nora Roberts is probably the best example. And let me say, she does it extremely well. She never leaves you in doubt as to whose head you’re in. She leads you back and forth effortlessly.

Whether head hopping weakens the emotional impact of a scene is a matter of opinion. Head hopping is more acceptable in the romance genre than in others I’m familiar with, such as mystery, where it’s usually frowned upon. Some editors think love scenes are stronger with both the male and female points of view. Others go ballistic over POV shifts.

The main thing is to avoid making the reader wonder whose thought that is or have to look back a few paragraphs to see. Then she’s taken completely out of the story. It’s much harder for her to get back into it so that she’s once again experiencing events and emotions with the viewpoint character. Here’s an example of head hopping—dramatic, I’ll grant you.

Photo: Wavebreak Media Ltd

How could he do this? I gave up everything for him. Tears overflowed and ran down Cleo’s cheeks. His words sent waves of pain all the way to her soul. She flung herself on the bed and sobbed.

It wasn’t that bad—so I was with someone else. It was only once. Bryce jammed his hands in his pockets and turned his back on the distraught woman.

The transition from one head to another is the key. There is no transition in that example, so the reader expects the thought beginning with It wasn’t that bad to be Cleo’s. But then there’s the sentence naming Bryce in the same paragraph—so whose thought is it? Whose POV did you think that was?

It’s Bryce’s, but it wasn’t made clear. It’s an easy fix: put the Bryce sentence at the beginning of the paragraph, and it’s clearly his thought.

How could he do this? I gave up everything for him. Tears overflowed and ran down Cleo’s cheeks. His words sent waves of pain all the way to her soul. She flung herself on the bed and sobbed.

Bryce jammed his hands in his pockets and turned his back on the distraught woman. It wasn’t that bad—so I was with someone else. It was only once.

If you’re going to use more than one POV in a scene, make sure there’s no doubt about where/whose head. 

How do you feel about head hopping? Does it bother you? If there's no confusion, does it still bother you? Why?