Saturday, October 1, 2011

A Brief Description

This is an excerpt from Cold Comfort, my new romantic suspense, coming sometime this winter. I was trying to avoid a postcard description and tie it to what was happening in the story. Riley, the main man, is checking out Claire's shop as a favor to a friend. Claire, of course, is the heroine.

I don't know if I accomplished what I wanted, to give the flavor and picture of the shop with a little bit of Riley, but here it is. How do you picture the store? Does it work for you? Is it too much? How about Riley's attitude?

He squeezed the Bronco into a parking space, locked it, and strolled across to the shop. Through the window, he saw hundreds of tiny white lights peeking through the greenery festooned from the ceiling. The warm glow of a village peopled with moving figures showed between the branches of a fir tree, and a little skater twirled on a glass lake. He could see why the kids were fascinated. The scene came straight from a fairy tale. Magic. Geez. Just his kind of case. He'd go in, take a quick look, and get out. For Ray, he'd check out the situation, but he wasn't committing to anything.
Sugar and spice and everything nice. The old nursery rhyme came back to him as he entered the shop and inhaled the tang of fresh evergreens mingled with...cinnamon? It could have been worseat least some of the trees were real. He sniffed again. Apple cider? Drawn by the scent, he followed his nose.

Next Friday I'll post short excerpts from three other authors.  

4 comments:

Polly said...

Wonderful sensory excerpt, Ellis. I'm there, in the shop, surrounded by the scents and visions. Looing forward to the release of your book.

Ellis Vidler said...

Thank you, Polly. You'll probably see a lot snippets by the time it comes out.

Marian Allen said...

He's hooked by the smell of apple cider--my kind of guy! lol!

We have that store in my town! Are some of the trees hanging upside down from the ceiling? They are in our store. A bit disorienting.

Marian Allen
Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes

Ellis Vidler said...

Hi, Marian. No, I hadn't thought of upside-down trees, just swags and branches of greenery. But why not? If the ceiling's high enough, it should be interesting.